29 Apr 2013
Well, lets see what all has been going on. Mom is still in the nursing home. She is doing better and is able to walk now with a walker and assistance. She has had some health issues while at the nursing home. Itching, sore throat and other things. It's always something. I don't know how much longer she will be there. She has until the end of May 100% paid for by medicare and her insurance. After that, she will be responsible for 80% of the bill. Chris is doing alright I guess. He is wheelchair bound now. He can walk alittle but is very unsteady and I am so afraid he will fall. He goes to the cardiologist May 7th. I'm so anxious to see what the doctor says. Oddly enough, I had a problem last week that I thought was indigestion/heartburn. It lasted quite a while and I was sick at my stomach, had a cold sweat and a headache. It finally calmed down but I kept thinking about it because it wasn't like any heartburn I have ever had. When I went to the doctor for my allergy shot a few days later I told him about it and that I have had a fluttering in my chest sometimes. He had me take an EKG and it showed an abnormality in my heart. He wanted me to go to a cardiologist and said they would probably do a cardiac catheter with dye injected but insurance doesn't cover it so I said no. The doctor told me to do light activity and take it easy. TAKE IT EASY???????????? How in the hell does a person take it easy taking care of someone with alzheimers!?! I gave up red meat for lent and decided to not eat red meat anymore so that is good. I have cut out anything fried and am really watching what I eat. I need to be healthy for Chris to take care of him. Chris' birthday is May 19th and he is turning the big 5o! I want to have a party for him at Casey Jones in Jackson. Hopefully, people will be able to come. Lol the only people we really know here are Jims family. It doesn't matter if it ends up being just me, Jim and Chris....we will make it special. Ofcourse we will go see Mom so he can spend some time with her too. Seems like more stuff has gone on too but I am in a fog. Can't remember and I kind of am in a numb mood right now. Chris asked me today how many kids I had. The questions he asks now are so random. I just answer them and move on. We try to go see Mom twice a week if lucky. She wants us to visit more and wants me to be more involved with everything but I can't. I make sure she gets what she needs and etc... but she has got to tell them when she needs something. She has had someone do everything for her her whole life and I can't do it. I am overloaded as it is. I have gotten really numb regarding her and I feel kinda bad about it but it is what it is. She has finally worn me down. I do what I can and if I can't I tell her I can't. If she's mad, then she's mad. She will have to get over it. Chris and I went to see my mother in law for a couple days. It was great and we had such a good time. I didn't tell Mom we were going because I knew it would become a big deal and she would try to sabotage the trip. Sad but true. have to get Chris ready for bed. My precious boy! In this crazy mixed up world there is one thing that is constant and that is Chris' sweetness. He is always loving and sweet. Love that boy!
Monday, April 29, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
17 Mar 2013
What a week this has been. I am so glad it is over. First, found out a dear family friend died suddenly. He was 55 and passed in his sleep. He has a brother with Down Syndrome that is good friends with Chris. They went to school together and Dan (who passed away) and I went to school together. He always checked in with me every few days to see how Chris was doing. So sad. Wednesday Chris and I went to the doctor for my weekly allergy shot and Chris had a routine check up. He was really out of it that morning and at the end of his checkup he said he hurt. Doctor said maybe he should rest when he got home. He noticed that Chris' fingertips were very blue so he checked Chris' oxygen level and it was low. I had to sit there for 20 minutes after my allergy shot so as we're sitting there Chris starts to cry and says he hurts. His eyes got that wild horse look with the white showing all around his iris and he made weird sounds. I yelled for the doctor and he came back in, checked his pulse and took his blood pressure real quick. It was 43/13. He told his nurse to call an ambulance immediately. Chris almost flatlined. His pulse was 30 something. I thought I was losing my precious brother. He was in the hospital this week but is home now. They ran all kinds of tests and his heart just isn't pumping enough. I thought it was the alzheimers or his medication but it is the down syndrome. What a cruel twist is that? He is on some medication and is resting at home. He is suppose to rest and is going back to the doctor on thursday. My precious precious boy. I stayed with Chris nonstop. I slept on the other bed in his hospital room. Normally they put a pacemaker in for this problem but I don't think he would handle that well. He's happy at home and feeling pretty good. I am watching him like a hawk. Chris' dog, Barney, has been very sick and on medications and friday he got so bad I took him to the vet while Jim stayed with Chris and sadly had to put Barney down. I cried and cried. This week has been so sad and such great losses for us all. I didn't tell Chris about our friend Dan and I didn't tell Chris about Barney. I took Barney into Chris' room so he could see him and he said "Who's dog is that?" I told him it was his dog and he said "Can I call it Lassie?" He didn't remember the dog or the fact that he named it Barney after Barney Fife. Such sadness! It's just more than a person can handle. Cherish each and every day. I love every minute that I have with Chris. Jim and I love Chris and make his days happy and carefree and no worries about anything. Chris makes our days bright and happy and full of joy.
What a week this has been. I am so glad it is over. First, found out a dear family friend died suddenly. He was 55 and passed in his sleep. He has a brother with Down Syndrome that is good friends with Chris. They went to school together and Dan (who passed away) and I went to school together. He always checked in with me every few days to see how Chris was doing. So sad. Wednesday Chris and I went to the doctor for my weekly allergy shot and Chris had a routine check up. He was really out of it that morning and at the end of his checkup he said he hurt. Doctor said maybe he should rest when he got home. He noticed that Chris' fingertips were very blue so he checked Chris' oxygen level and it was low. I had to sit there for 20 minutes after my allergy shot so as we're sitting there Chris starts to cry and says he hurts. His eyes got that wild horse look with the white showing all around his iris and he made weird sounds. I yelled for the doctor and he came back in, checked his pulse and took his blood pressure real quick. It was 43/13. He told his nurse to call an ambulance immediately. Chris almost flatlined. His pulse was 30 something. I thought I was losing my precious brother. He was in the hospital this week but is home now. They ran all kinds of tests and his heart just isn't pumping enough. I thought it was the alzheimers or his medication but it is the down syndrome. What a cruel twist is that? He is on some medication and is resting at home. He is suppose to rest and is going back to the doctor on thursday. My precious precious boy. I stayed with Chris nonstop. I slept on the other bed in his hospital room. Normally they put a pacemaker in for this problem but I don't think he would handle that well. He's happy at home and feeling pretty good. I am watching him like a hawk. Chris' dog, Barney, has been very sick and on medications and friday he got so bad I took him to the vet while Jim stayed with Chris and sadly had to put Barney down. I cried and cried. This week has been so sad and such great losses for us all. I didn't tell Chris about our friend Dan and I didn't tell Chris about Barney. I took Barney into Chris' room so he could see him and he said "Who's dog is that?" I told him it was his dog and he said "Can I call it Lassie?" He didn't remember the dog or the fact that he named it Barney after Barney Fife. Such sadness! It's just more than a person can handle. Cherish each and every day. I love every minute that I have with Chris. Jim and I love Chris and make his days happy and carefree and no worries about anything. Chris makes our days bright and happy and full of joy.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
7 Mar 2013
Went to get weekly allergy shot today. Chris started out this morning very out of it but later in the day he perked up some. Yesterday we went to Jackson to my appointment with the allergist. Chris could barely walk around with his walker. I know that soon it will be wheelchair time. We went to O'Charleys for lunch and Chris could hardly lift the spoon and fork. He almost lies his face in the plate. He kept putting his arm in his plate and I had to really help him eat lunch. He does alot of mean or confused looks towards me. I think he's confused and he's looking at Jim or I trying to figure out either what's going on or what Jim and I are doing. Jim made a rail for Chris' bed so he doesn't fall out of bed again and every night he asks me why I'm locking him up. He doesn't understand at all. I think it confuses him when I take him to the nursing home to see Mom. He doesn't seem to understand what's going on. I can't not take him though so we will just have to work through it. Mom has actually been pretty nice and loving to me. It's a big change and I will take it. I don't count on it being this way forever but for now I'll take it and enjoy. At least I'm in alittle better frame of mind now. After all this time, I got an email from my older brother asking for an update regarding Mom and everyone. Hmmmm.
Went to get weekly allergy shot today. Chris started out this morning very out of it but later in the day he perked up some. Yesterday we went to Jackson to my appointment with the allergist. Chris could barely walk around with his walker. I know that soon it will be wheelchair time. We went to O'Charleys for lunch and Chris could hardly lift the spoon and fork. He almost lies his face in the plate. He kept putting his arm in his plate and I had to really help him eat lunch. He does alot of mean or confused looks towards me. I think he's confused and he's looking at Jim or I trying to figure out either what's going on or what Jim and I are doing. Jim made a rail for Chris' bed so he doesn't fall out of bed again and every night he asks me why I'm locking him up. He doesn't understand at all. I think it confuses him when I take him to the nursing home to see Mom. He doesn't seem to understand what's going on. I can't not take him though so we will just have to work through it. Mom has actually been pretty nice and loving to me. It's a big change and I will take it. I don't count on it being this way forever but for now I'll take it and enjoy. At least I'm in alittle better frame of mind now. After all this time, I got an email from my older brother asking for an update regarding Mom and everyone. Hmmmm.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
26 Feb 2013
So I got the results back from Chris' xrays and he has arthritis in his back. Right now, the doctor recommended Chris take aleve for the back pain because ibuprofen helps with inflammation and Chris has pain pills if it hurts real bad. Nothing can be done for it. Chris seems to be comfortable for now and that's good. We are going for my weekly allergy shot tomorrow and then will go see Mom. She has been nice to me ever since she told me the other night that she apreciated me. Now, I'm not expecting her to always be this way. (Too much history between us) but after she also said that she neglected me and my older brother, which was very true, and I told her that she did the best she could do; I made the decision to forgive and move forward with Mom. Not go backwards into the past. It was as close as I will ever get to an apology from her and I'm okay with that. How I react from here on is all up to me. I have made the decision to move forward.....EVEN if she goes back, I won't! She did do the best that she could do. Was it good? No. Was it enough? No. Was she capable of giving more? Probably not. She just wasn't meant to be a mother. Some people aren't. Anyway, I am really working on me to be the best that I can be. Jim and I are doing great. Chris is happy and his appetite has been very good! He forgets and I deal with it and we move on. He has been able to feed himself the last couple of days. Chris is so sweet. I know I say that alot but it's true. His soul is so pure and he's gentle and kind and loving. He might have alzheimers and is having health issues but his light shines brighter than anyone else I've ever known and I have been blessed to know alot of truly good people. Lots of appointments coming up with lawyers and doctors and the nursing home. Praying everything goes well with all.
So I got the results back from Chris' xrays and he has arthritis in his back. Right now, the doctor recommended Chris take aleve for the back pain because ibuprofen helps with inflammation and Chris has pain pills if it hurts real bad. Nothing can be done for it. Chris seems to be comfortable for now and that's good. We are going for my weekly allergy shot tomorrow and then will go see Mom. She has been nice to me ever since she told me the other night that she apreciated me. Now, I'm not expecting her to always be this way. (Too much history between us) but after she also said that she neglected me and my older brother, which was very true, and I told her that she did the best she could do; I made the decision to forgive and move forward with Mom. Not go backwards into the past. It was as close as I will ever get to an apology from her and I'm okay with that. How I react from here on is all up to me. I have made the decision to move forward.....EVEN if she goes back, I won't! She did do the best that she could do. Was it good? No. Was it enough? No. Was she capable of giving more? Probably not. She just wasn't meant to be a mother. Some people aren't. Anyway, I am really working on me to be the best that I can be. Jim and I are doing great. Chris is happy and his appetite has been very good! He forgets and I deal with it and we move on. He has been able to feed himself the last couple of days. Chris is so sweet. I know I say that alot but it's true. His soul is so pure and he's gentle and kind and loving. He might have alzheimers and is having health issues but his light shines brighter than anyone else I've ever known and I have been blessed to know alot of truly good people. Lots of appointments coming up with lawyers and doctors and the nursing home. Praying everything goes well with all.
Monday, February 25, 2013
25 Feb 2013
So I was reading back in this blog and I started out with it all about Chris and his alzheimers and his care and medications and info I had found and now it's about me me me and what I'm dealing with. I didn't really intend this blog to be about that but I have to look at it as a natural transition since being a caregiver for someone involves everyone and does have to do with Chris and this damn disease. It's hard and I am doing what I can and Chris is doing what he can. Most days are still good. He has his foggy days and days when he physically hurts. He is losing more and more skills. The other day I had to spoon feed him his entire meal. He didn't have the strength to lift a spoon or fork. However, there are days he does just fine. The curse of this disease. One day he doesn't know who anyone is, the next day he knows everyone and is joking and being his old self. Some days he can feed himself and walk fairly well, the next day he can't. Every morning is an adventure (not in a good way). There is one thing that is always consistent; Chris is ALWAYS sweet and loving and caring. He worries about me all the time. He always says "I love you". He gives me kisses and hugs. I am dealing with Chris and Mom's health problems and have not been watching myself enough. I have let myself go to take care of them and I know that's not good because if I don't take care of myself, who will take care of them if I can't? I have not paid enough attention to my husband as well and our marriage. I am so wrapped up in this mother f$^#?ing disease and trying to deal with it and everything connected to it that I'm not living right and taking care of other things just as important. I had an argument with my husband and we never argue. We talked ALOT and he feels that his feelings don't matter to me. He feels that he isn't as important to me as everything else. He feels that I don't have time for him. He's right. I have been neglecting him and our relationship dealing with everything else that is going on with Mom and Chris. It's not right and not fair to him. He is so good and so loving and has been so quiet about everything. My husband is a very good man and I am so blessed to have him. He loves Chris so much and does so much for him. He treats my Mom so good and he is so good and loving to me. I feel that I have become a different person. I'm angry and frustrated and hurting and sad and weepy and tired and overwhelmed and did I mention angry; so damn angry. I didn't realise until my husband and I were really talking things out. I'm so angry at this disease. I'm angry that I have so much dumped on me and so much responsibility. I'm angry that I don't have the same carefree life that I did have with my husband. I'm angry that I don't have that freedom any longer for me and my husband to do what we want or just go take a trip whenever we want. I'm extremely angry that my older brother doesn't do anything to help. That's why I moved Mom here. He lived 10 minutes away from her and would call me and tell me that I needed to come up there and take care of her and Chris because he didn't have time. (I lived 8 hrs away). I'm angry that he doesn't care at all, doesn't give a shit about his own brother and mother. He didn't call or even send a birthday card to Chris in May. He hasn't come down here once since Mom moved here (which will be 2 yrs in May) to see her or Chris. He knows their medical problems and he knows that Chris might not be around much longer or Mom either and he's missing his chances to see them one more time. He says he can't afford to come. But he has money to buy a new kayak and do plenty of other things. Besides, all he would have to pay for is gas. He can stay at Moms house or stay with us in our guest house. I'm angry that he hasn't called or answered my emails to see how Mom is since she moved to the nursing home. He has her phone number at the nursing home and he has her cell phone number as well. This disease has isolated me. I feel so alone. I am a 24/7 caregiver and bill payer for Jim and I, Chris and Mom, an appointment maker, a housecleaner for 2 houses, a laundry lady for 4 people, etc.... I never have a day off and I'm not doing a very good job on housecleaning, keeping up with laundry (Chris goes through 3 sets of clothes a day). I feel like I'm really whining here and I feel guilty about that. I feel guilty about not being better at everything. I feel guilty that I can't go see Mom everyday. I feel guilty when I get frustrated with Chris. I feel guilty that I'm not more attentive to my husband. So much anger, so much sadness, so much guilt. I want to be the best for everyone and I'm not. Not by a long shot. I am worried about Mom because she still can not walk. I don't know if she will ever be able to walk again. She has therapy everyday at the nursing home so I pray that it helps. I have to state that there are happy sweet moments. Chris is always precious Chris. My Mom told me the other day that she appreciated me and what I'm doing (and that's a first!) and after talking to my husband about everything we are fine and are even stronger now as a couple. We both understand better now how each is feeling and we love each other very much. I'm just trying to make myself better so I can be better for the one's I love.
So I was reading back in this blog and I started out with it all about Chris and his alzheimers and his care and medications and info I had found and now it's about me me me and what I'm dealing with. I didn't really intend this blog to be about that but I have to look at it as a natural transition since being a caregiver for someone involves everyone and does have to do with Chris and this damn disease. It's hard and I am doing what I can and Chris is doing what he can. Most days are still good. He has his foggy days and days when he physically hurts. He is losing more and more skills. The other day I had to spoon feed him his entire meal. He didn't have the strength to lift a spoon or fork. However, there are days he does just fine. The curse of this disease. One day he doesn't know who anyone is, the next day he knows everyone and is joking and being his old self. Some days he can feed himself and walk fairly well, the next day he can't. Every morning is an adventure (not in a good way). There is one thing that is always consistent; Chris is ALWAYS sweet and loving and caring. He worries about me all the time. He always says "I love you". He gives me kisses and hugs. I am dealing with Chris and Mom's health problems and have not been watching myself enough. I have let myself go to take care of them and I know that's not good because if I don't take care of myself, who will take care of them if I can't? I have not paid enough attention to my husband as well and our marriage. I am so wrapped up in this mother f$^#?ing disease and trying to deal with it and everything connected to it that I'm not living right and taking care of other things just as important. I had an argument with my husband and we never argue. We talked ALOT and he feels that his feelings don't matter to me. He feels that he isn't as important to me as everything else. He feels that I don't have time for him. He's right. I have been neglecting him and our relationship dealing with everything else that is going on with Mom and Chris. It's not right and not fair to him. He is so good and so loving and has been so quiet about everything. My husband is a very good man and I am so blessed to have him. He loves Chris so much and does so much for him. He treats my Mom so good and he is so good and loving to me. I feel that I have become a different person. I'm angry and frustrated and hurting and sad and weepy and tired and overwhelmed and did I mention angry; so damn angry. I didn't realise until my husband and I were really talking things out. I'm so angry at this disease. I'm angry that I have so much dumped on me and so much responsibility. I'm angry that I don't have the same carefree life that I did have with my husband. I'm angry that I don't have that freedom any longer for me and my husband to do what we want or just go take a trip whenever we want. I'm extremely angry that my older brother doesn't do anything to help. That's why I moved Mom here. He lived 10 minutes away from her and would call me and tell me that I needed to come up there and take care of her and Chris because he didn't have time. (I lived 8 hrs away). I'm angry that he doesn't care at all, doesn't give a shit about his own brother and mother. He didn't call or even send a birthday card to Chris in May. He hasn't come down here once since Mom moved here (which will be 2 yrs in May) to see her or Chris. He knows their medical problems and he knows that Chris might not be around much longer or Mom either and he's missing his chances to see them one more time. He says he can't afford to come. But he has money to buy a new kayak and do plenty of other things. Besides, all he would have to pay for is gas. He can stay at Moms house or stay with us in our guest house. I'm angry that he hasn't called or answered my emails to see how Mom is since she moved to the nursing home. He has her phone number at the nursing home and he has her cell phone number as well. This disease has isolated me. I feel so alone. I am a 24/7 caregiver and bill payer for Jim and I, Chris and Mom, an appointment maker, a housecleaner for 2 houses, a laundry lady for 4 people, etc.... I never have a day off and I'm not doing a very good job on housecleaning, keeping up with laundry (Chris goes through 3 sets of clothes a day). I feel like I'm really whining here and I feel guilty about that. I feel guilty about not being better at everything. I feel guilty that I can't go see Mom everyday. I feel guilty when I get frustrated with Chris. I feel guilty that I'm not more attentive to my husband. So much anger, so much sadness, so much guilt. I want to be the best for everyone and I'm not. Not by a long shot. I am worried about Mom because she still can not walk. I don't know if she will ever be able to walk again. She has therapy everyday at the nursing home so I pray that it helps. I have to state that there are happy sweet moments. Chris is always precious Chris. My Mom told me the other day that she appreciated me and what I'm doing (and that's a first!) and after talking to my husband about everything we are fine and are even stronger now as a couple. We both understand better now how each is feeling and we love each other very much. I'm just trying to make myself better so I can be better for the one's I love.
Monday, February 18, 2013
18 Feb 2013
So much has gone on. Last wed, the 13th, Chris and I were going to Moms and taking lunch and eat with her, getting the guardianship paper from her and then going to the appt. with the lawyer regarding getting guardianship of Chris. I called Mom before we left the house to see what she was wanting for lunch; no answer on her cell phone. Tried it several times so I then called her house phone; no answer. After numerous calls (by then we were on the road, on our way to her house) I called Jim and said something is up. I got to Moms house, let myself in and there was Mom lying in the hallway. She said she thought she broke her hip. She fell in the kitchen and crawled to the hallway. We got there about 1:30pm. She had fallen about 10am. Called 911, ambulance took her to Jackson and they did surgery that night. She did well through surgery and is now at a nursing home in Parsons. They think that she will be up walking and be able to go home in maybe 4 to 6 weeks. I don't think so. She is lying in bed and can't stand on her leg, much less walk. Besides this going on, Chris is having more and more difficulty walking and we went to Walmart saturday and when we got back out to the car, We followed our routine like we always do. He leaves his walker by the car, walks around and gets in the car. He left his walker, started to walk around the car and either tripped or lost his footing and fell. His face hit the brush bar on the front of the Jeep and then he fell on his back. I dropped everything and ran to him and fell kindof on him. His nose was bleeding so bad. He was crying. I got him to sit up and out of nowhere a man comes up and says "Can I help you get him up?" I said yes and I was thinking, my back is not going to be able to do this and out of nowhere another man comes up and says "Wait. Let me help get him up." Thank God for the angels. They got him up while I held kleenex to his nose and they got him around to the door and got him in the jeep. I had left my purse and our cart of stuff just sitting out in the lane and thank you God once again, no one messed with it or took off with my purse because I sure wouldn't have noticed. I took Chris to the ER to be checked over and they took xrays of his nose. It was not broken. They looked him all over; scratched up knee but other than that he was ok. His back is hurting some now so I'll call the doctor tomorrow. I think maybe he should have xrays of his back. He has fallen on his back 3 times now and it does seem to be bothering him. It is so hard for him to describe pain or tell someone where he is hurting. If you ask Chris he always says he hurts all over. It has been a very bad few days and before Mom fell she had gotten mad at me and had called me a spoilt brat, not a nice person and a bitch. I am just so worn out and emotionally exhausted. It's getting harder and harder to deal with everything. Add to that complete burn out and I know that I need to get someone to help with things and help with Mom and Chris too at times. Today, Chris was in a terrible fog. He ket falling asleep off and on today and while we were at the restaurant eating he started crying and said he was hurting. I told Mom about Chris falling and his nose bleeding and all she could say was she knew what that was like to fall. She didn't ask how he was or seemed concerned at all. I don't really know why I expected her to be. My sweet precious Chris is slipping away and I feel like I can't give him the attention he deserves and needs. I'm just going to have to have someone deal with Mom so I can devote my time to Chris. Not to mention that I also need to devote time to my marriage. Someone that has not been a caregiver could not understand how it effects every corner of your life. How everything in your life changes. I'm not complaining about taking care of Chris. I knew I would always be taking care of him and I love him dearly and would do anything for him. But taking care of Chris AND Mom is too much. I can't do it.
So much has gone on. Last wed, the 13th, Chris and I were going to Moms and taking lunch and eat with her, getting the guardianship paper from her and then going to the appt. with the lawyer regarding getting guardianship of Chris. I called Mom before we left the house to see what she was wanting for lunch; no answer on her cell phone. Tried it several times so I then called her house phone; no answer. After numerous calls (by then we were on the road, on our way to her house) I called Jim and said something is up. I got to Moms house, let myself in and there was Mom lying in the hallway. She said she thought she broke her hip. She fell in the kitchen and crawled to the hallway. We got there about 1:30pm. She had fallen about 10am. Called 911, ambulance took her to Jackson and they did surgery that night. She did well through surgery and is now at a nursing home in Parsons. They think that she will be up walking and be able to go home in maybe 4 to 6 weeks. I don't think so. She is lying in bed and can't stand on her leg, much less walk. Besides this going on, Chris is having more and more difficulty walking and we went to Walmart saturday and when we got back out to the car, We followed our routine like we always do. He leaves his walker by the car, walks around and gets in the car. He left his walker, started to walk around the car and either tripped or lost his footing and fell. His face hit the brush bar on the front of the Jeep and then he fell on his back. I dropped everything and ran to him and fell kindof on him. His nose was bleeding so bad. He was crying. I got him to sit up and out of nowhere a man comes up and says "Can I help you get him up?" I said yes and I was thinking, my back is not going to be able to do this and out of nowhere another man comes up and says "Wait. Let me help get him up." Thank God for the angels. They got him up while I held kleenex to his nose and they got him around to the door and got him in the jeep. I had left my purse and our cart of stuff just sitting out in the lane and thank you God once again, no one messed with it or took off with my purse because I sure wouldn't have noticed. I took Chris to the ER to be checked over and they took xrays of his nose. It was not broken. They looked him all over; scratched up knee but other than that he was ok. His back is hurting some now so I'll call the doctor tomorrow. I think maybe he should have xrays of his back. He has fallen on his back 3 times now and it does seem to be bothering him. It is so hard for him to describe pain or tell someone where he is hurting. If you ask Chris he always says he hurts all over. It has been a very bad few days and before Mom fell she had gotten mad at me and had called me a spoilt brat, not a nice person and a bitch. I am just so worn out and emotionally exhausted. It's getting harder and harder to deal with everything. Add to that complete burn out and I know that I need to get someone to help with things and help with Mom and Chris too at times. Today, Chris was in a terrible fog. He ket falling asleep off and on today and while we were at the restaurant eating he started crying and said he was hurting. I told Mom about Chris falling and his nose bleeding and all she could say was she knew what that was like to fall. She didn't ask how he was or seemed concerned at all. I don't really know why I expected her to be. My sweet precious Chris is slipping away and I feel like I can't give him the attention he deserves and needs. I'm just going to have to have someone deal with Mom so I can devote my time to Chris. Not to mention that I also need to devote time to my marriage. Someone that has not been a caregiver could not understand how it effects every corner of your life. How everything in your life changes. I'm not complaining about taking care of Chris. I knew I would always be taking care of him and I love him dearly and would do anything for him. But taking care of Chris AND Mom is too much. I can't do it.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
27 Jan 2013
It's getting to where I can't seem to find time to write in my blog. The days get shorter and more filled with something going on. There just aren't enough hours in the day. At times I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Chris is about the same; some days really good some days not. A few days ago I got up to check on him as usual (about 6am). I could hear him making a strange noise like a cry and I thought he was having a bad dream. I didn't see him in his bed and I thought he must be sitting up in bed since he does that alot. I walked further down the hall to see what he was doing and I see that he is lying on the floor. He had fallen out of bed. I have no idea how long he had laid there but he was wet and his pjs felt ice cold. He had hit the back of his neck and he had a bruise on his upper arm. I had to go wake Jim up to help me get Chris up out of the floor. I had Chris lie back down for alittle. I them got his breakfast ready and got Chris up out of bed and while I'm changing him and dressing him he falls again and hits his head and fell right on his back. He has bruises across his back. I took him to the doctor and he checked him over and looked really close for any head injury or problem. Chris has actually been fine since then. I don't know why he fell out of bed but he does move around alot now in bed. Lots of tossing and turning. I suppose he just rolled out. I feel terrible that he fell again right in front of me. My poor baby. It is just another change to deal with. If Chris isn't able to stand while I change him and out his pads on him I'm going to have to get different pads and change him like a baby. It is a very difficult situation. To top things off, I have that lovely stomach virus. I got so sick friday evening and I have never thrown up so hard in my life. It's sunday evening now and I am feeling better now but am so weak. I've been able to change Chris, clean him up and Jim has been fixing him his meals. Sweet Chris saw me throwing up and is so worried about me. He has the most tender heart of anyone I've ever known. He keeps wanting to hug me and kiss me. I told him that he can't because I don't want him to get sick. He understands but doesn't understand. He says he wants to hug me so I'll feel better. I told him when I got better he could hug and kiss me all he wanted because I sure love his kisses and hugs. I am praying that Chris and Jim do not get it. Chris might end up in the hospital if he got it.
It's getting to where I can't seem to find time to write in my blog. The days get shorter and more filled with something going on. There just aren't enough hours in the day. At times I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Chris is about the same; some days really good some days not. A few days ago I got up to check on him as usual (about 6am). I could hear him making a strange noise like a cry and I thought he was having a bad dream. I didn't see him in his bed and I thought he must be sitting up in bed since he does that alot. I walked further down the hall to see what he was doing and I see that he is lying on the floor. He had fallen out of bed. I have no idea how long he had laid there but he was wet and his pjs felt ice cold. He had hit the back of his neck and he had a bruise on his upper arm. I had to go wake Jim up to help me get Chris up out of the floor. I had Chris lie back down for alittle. I them got his breakfast ready and got Chris up out of bed and while I'm changing him and dressing him he falls again and hits his head and fell right on his back. He has bruises across his back. I took him to the doctor and he checked him over and looked really close for any head injury or problem. Chris has actually been fine since then. I don't know why he fell out of bed but he does move around alot now in bed. Lots of tossing and turning. I suppose he just rolled out. I feel terrible that he fell again right in front of me. My poor baby. It is just another change to deal with. If Chris isn't able to stand while I change him and out his pads on him I'm going to have to get different pads and change him like a baby. It is a very difficult situation. To top things off, I have that lovely stomach virus. I got so sick friday evening and I have never thrown up so hard in my life. It's sunday evening now and I am feeling better now but am so weak. I've been able to change Chris, clean him up and Jim has been fixing him his meals. Sweet Chris saw me throwing up and is so worried about me. He has the most tender heart of anyone I've ever known. He keeps wanting to hug me and kiss me. I told him that he can't because I don't want him to get sick. He understands but doesn't understand. He says he wants to hug me so I'll feel better. I told him when I got better he could hug and kiss me all he wanted because I sure love his kisses and hugs. I am praying that Chris and Jim do not get it. Chris might end up in the hospital if he got it.
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