26 Nov 2012
This morning I got up to get coffee started and there was Chris sitting in the family room with a big grin on his face. I went in and said "Well hi!" He told me that he got up and didn't want to go  back to sleep so he came out to the family room. I asked him if he was scared or thought he was alone and he said no, that he was letting me sleep. So began our day of complete clarity for Chris. He wanted to stay out with me all day so we watched Christmas movies, talked, laughed, looked at old pictures and sang Christmas songs. Chris talked about each picture and could identify every person in the pictures, even the old pictures. He hasn't been able to do this for months. Chris talked about everything and he smiled; really smiled. My Chris was back. The boy I grew up with and had so much fun with. I couldn't believe how clearminded he was. When he finished his coffee, he yelled in at me in the kitchen " Do we have rootbeer?" He hasn't asked for much of anything for so long now. I was elated that he was asking me ordinary questions. I got him rootbeer and fixed him lunch and he ate every bit of it. This lasted most of the day. Then he started looking around the room and I saw that frown look that he has alot now. I asked him questions and he just looked at me. My sweet brother was gone. He went back into the fog that he lives in now. My heart broke in two. I lost him again. I wasn't ready to let him go. I wasn't ready for this wonderful day to be over with. It was like a death of sorts. He slipped away. I led him into his room, changed his pads and got him settled into bed so he could watch his TV. Homer was all snuggled in by him purring, I leaned over and kissed him and left the room. I cried. I felt such a loss and was mad but then I thanked God for the precious gift he gave Chris and I today. I am thankful for today and what Chris and I had together. I hate this damn hateful disgusting devastating disease with every fiber of my being. I love Chris more than anything.