29 Aug 2012
Things have gone pretty good today. Sunday night Jims son came to visit and stayed the night and all day Monday. We had a great visit with him and really enjoyed him being here. Wish he could have stayed longer. I think Jim overdid it these last few days. Today he has relaxed and watched TV and played his guitar and I think has done better because of that. Chris has had a frustrating day today. Maybe I should rephrase that and say I have had a frustrating day with Chris. It was just out of it today and seemed so distant. It makes me sad when he is like this because I know that somewhere inside him is the Chris I have always known. I know he is in there. I told Jim the worst part of this is that I am watching Chris slowly losing everything. The brother I have grown up is leaving me and that breaks my heart. Each day I see him slipping further and further away. It's so damn unfair that he has to go through this. The most precious gift we all have is our memories; our memory of our family and friends-the people we love, memories of the fun times and experiences. When you lose these; what's left? You're lost. Tomorrow I'm going to Mom's to take her to the store. Jim and Chris are going to stay home. I hope they do okay. I think it will be fine. Chris said he was excited to have a guy day with Jim. At least I won't be too far away and it will definitely be so much easier to just take Mom and her walker instead of her and Chris with their "walker wars". Life is so precious and fleeting. Enjoy it now. Live in the moment. Plan for the future but enjoy the now.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Saturday, August 25, 2012
26 Aug 2012
Friday we had to take Jim back to the doctor again because he had gotten so much worse with his dizziness and he was having double vision also. The doctor said he needed to get to a neurologist so he got ahold of one that would see Jim and off we went. An hours drive later we are there and it was confirmed that Jim did have a massive stroke at the base of his brain stem. When the neurologist said where the stroke happened, I was sick. My Dad died from a stroke at the base of his brain stem. It had shut down his whole body. Thank you dear Lord that Jim's wasn't as bad. He is still weak and dizzy and is having alittle trouble with his speech but he is actually doing pretty good. He is home resting and I am now taking care of 3 people. Don't get me wrong; I am not complaining but I wonder just how much I can take and handle. God surely must think I am a pretty strong person and He has alot of faith in me; certainly more faith in me than I do. Chris is doing pretty good today. He had several bad days but today has been good. He keeps checking on Jim and is very concerned about Jim. They are buddies and Chris loves him so much. Today was alot of running from Chris' room to our bedroom attending to both of their needs but I did it and it worked out okay. I am really worried about Jim and his health. His stroke in 2010 scared the you-know-what out of me and for him to have had another one is frustrating and cause for concern. We have really got to watch the diet better. His blood pressure has been alittle high lately and his cholesteral is high. I think I am really being tested and pushed to the max right now but I can do this. Lol, I don't have a choice. When you love someone you do whatever you have to do to care for them. I love Jim so much and I love Chris so much and I can't imagine life without my two important men. My husband and brother mean the world to me. I thank God every day for them and their love. I'm a lucky girl!
Friday we had to take Jim back to the doctor again because he had gotten so much worse with his dizziness and he was having double vision also. The doctor said he needed to get to a neurologist so he got ahold of one that would see Jim and off we went. An hours drive later we are there and it was confirmed that Jim did have a massive stroke at the base of his brain stem. When the neurologist said where the stroke happened, I was sick. My Dad died from a stroke at the base of his brain stem. It had shut down his whole body. Thank you dear Lord that Jim's wasn't as bad. He is still weak and dizzy and is having alittle trouble with his speech but he is actually doing pretty good. He is home resting and I am now taking care of 3 people. Don't get me wrong; I am not complaining but I wonder just how much I can take and handle. God surely must think I am a pretty strong person and He has alot of faith in me; certainly more faith in me than I do. Chris is doing pretty good today. He had several bad days but today has been good. He keeps checking on Jim and is very concerned about Jim. They are buddies and Chris loves him so much. Today was alot of running from Chris' room to our bedroom attending to both of their needs but I did it and it worked out okay. I am really worried about Jim and his health. His stroke in 2010 scared the you-know-what out of me and for him to have had another one is frustrating and cause for concern. We have really got to watch the diet better. His blood pressure has been alittle high lately and his cholesteral is high. I think I am really being tested and pushed to the max right now but I can do this. Lol, I don't have a choice. When you love someone you do whatever you have to do to care for them. I love Jim so much and I love Chris so much and I can't imagine life without my two important men. My husband and brother mean the world to me. I thank God every day for them and their love. I'm a lucky girl!
Monday, August 20, 2012
20 Aug 2012
Well, alot has gone on since last entry. Jim got extremely dizzy and we had to rush to the doctor. We thought that perhaps he had a stroke (he had one in 2010). I took him to the hospital and he had a ct-scan and the results showed no stroke or blockage; thank you God! However, the dizziness is severe and continues. He is taking medications for this and this morning he said he was starting to feel alittle better. Still dizzy but not as bad as it was. You talk about worried. I was so worried but didn't want him to know just how bad I was worried. My thoughts were racing about what would happen and if something happened to him how I would survive. How could I go on? Jim is my everything. I love him so much and it scares me when he gets sick. I can't lose him. This past weekend was taking care of Jim and taking care of Chris and talking to Mom on the phone to see how she was doing. I'm getting very use to taking care of Chris now and we do have a pretty good routine going on that works but then when Jim gets sick, I realise how overwhelmed I am and how alone I feel. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining about caring for them-I love them and without question I would do whatever I had to do to care for the people that I love BUT when they are all in need it's hard. I realise that being a caregiver, especially caring for someone with alzhiemers is very isolating. It's a 24/7 job and it keeps you at home alot and not able to do the things that you use to do. I went to WalMart to get Jims medicine saturday and left him and Chris at home. It was very strange to be at WalMart by myself because it has been ages since I shopped by myself. Did I enjoy it? Yes. I'm not ashamed to say that I really enjoyed being able to shop by myself even though it was just WalMart and a hurried trip so I could get back home. Things are going good today with Jim and Chris and Mom. Just the way I like it. :)
Well, alot has gone on since last entry. Jim got extremely dizzy and we had to rush to the doctor. We thought that perhaps he had a stroke (he had one in 2010). I took him to the hospital and he had a ct-scan and the results showed no stroke or blockage; thank you God! However, the dizziness is severe and continues. He is taking medications for this and this morning he said he was starting to feel alittle better. Still dizzy but not as bad as it was. You talk about worried. I was so worried but didn't want him to know just how bad I was worried. My thoughts were racing about what would happen and if something happened to him how I would survive. How could I go on? Jim is my everything. I love him so much and it scares me when he gets sick. I can't lose him. This past weekend was taking care of Jim and taking care of Chris and talking to Mom on the phone to see how she was doing. I'm getting very use to taking care of Chris now and we do have a pretty good routine going on that works but then when Jim gets sick, I realise how overwhelmed I am and how alone I feel. Don't get me wrong; I'm not complaining about caring for them-I love them and without question I would do whatever I had to do to care for the people that I love BUT when they are all in need it's hard. I realise that being a caregiver, especially caring for someone with alzhiemers is very isolating. It's a 24/7 job and it keeps you at home alot and not able to do the things that you use to do. I went to WalMart to get Jims medicine saturday and left him and Chris at home. It was very strange to be at WalMart by myself because it has been ages since I shopped by myself. Did I enjoy it? Yes. I'm not ashamed to say that I really enjoyed being able to shop by myself even though it was just WalMart and a hurried trip so I could get back home. Things are going good today with Jim and Chris and Mom. Just the way I like it. :)
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
15 Aug 2012
The weekend was fun for us. We had a great time at our brother in laws birthday party. Chris did real well. He ate good and visited with everyone and had fun. He also flirted with all the women and has new girlfriends now. He's such a sweetie. Everyone was so kind and good to him. He got more hugs than the birthday boy lol. I figured he would sleep all the way home on our 2 hour drive but he was awake and talked the whole way. Today is another story. Chris has had a bad day today. It started this morning when I was changing him and putting his new pads on him. He said he was hurting and kept trying to sit down on the floor. I told him to sit on the bed and he then said he was so dizzy. I told him to lie down for a minute. His eyes looked crazy. He laid back and then his eyes were rolling back in his head. Scary. I stayed by him and kept talking to him and he came out of it and said he was fine. I think that maybe it was a small seizure. We went with Jim to his doctor appointment and I told the nurse what happened and she told the doctor. He said to watch him and if it happens again he wants to see him. It could have been just dizziness but you never know and alzheimers patients do have seizures so it is a concern. The rest of the day Chris was just in a daze. He was in a fog all day. Confused and tired. He fell asleep several times while we were out running errands and shopping. My poor baby brother. He kept forgetting who I was and then was asking me if Mom was coming home soon. I asked him coming home from where and he said she was at the store and would be home soon. I told him Mom was at her house and was going to get into explaining that she didn't drive anymore and wasn't at the store and etc...but caught myself and just said she was at home and okay. He frowned alot today and I have learned that when he frowns he is either concerned, confused or both. Hopefully tomorrow will be a much better day.
Friday, August 10, 2012
10 Aug 2012
Yesterday was a great day! It's so nice to be able to say that. I got alot done and enjoyed doing things for me (which was really needed). I read a mindless book, watched mindless TV, went through things deciding what I wanted to keep and what to get rid of and I actually felt pretty good; only had a small headache in the afternoon. Chris did good yesterday. He was sleepy and took 2 naps yesterday but that's okay. Today started with Chris very wet and the bed even wetter. He went into the bathroom and stood there with his pads and pants still up and peed. I asked him what he was doing and he said he didn't know. I'm afraid it's going to be one of those days. I guess you get a good day and then one not so good. I should really rephrase that; every day is good. It's just that some days it's alittle more stressful. I need to remember what the doctor said; Don't worry and stress about everything. Some things are beyond my control so I need to deal with what I can change and the other stuff will be okay. This sunday we are going to Jims sisters husbands 60th birthday party. They live 2 hours from us so alittle drive but not bad at all. Chris is excited to be going to a party. :) We haven't decided whether we are going to spend the night or not. I'm kind of hoping to come back home. I would rather Chris wet his own bed than someone elses. Ofcourse I will take plenty of pads but still I think it would be better to just come back home. Going on a longer trip is one thing but just staying the night after an evening party and then leave early the next morning is not worth all the hassle. I might have a different opinion about this after the party if we are all really tired; who knows lol.
Yesterday was a great day! It's so nice to be able to say that. I got alot done and enjoyed doing things for me (which was really needed). I read a mindless book, watched mindless TV, went through things deciding what I wanted to keep and what to get rid of and I actually felt pretty good; only had a small headache in the afternoon. Chris did good yesterday. He was sleepy and took 2 naps yesterday but that's okay. Today started with Chris very wet and the bed even wetter. He went into the bathroom and stood there with his pads and pants still up and peed. I asked him what he was doing and he said he didn't know. I'm afraid it's going to be one of those days. I guess you get a good day and then one not so good. I should really rephrase that; every day is good. It's just that some days it's alittle more stressful. I need to remember what the doctor said; Don't worry and stress about everything. Some things are beyond my control so I need to deal with what I can change and the other stuff will be okay. This sunday we are going to Jims sisters husbands 60th birthday party. They live 2 hours from us so alittle drive but not bad at all. Chris is excited to be going to a party. :) We haven't decided whether we are going to spend the night or not. I'm kind of hoping to come back home. I would rather Chris wet his own bed than someone elses. Ofcourse I will take plenty of pads but still I think it would be better to just come back home. Going on a longer trip is one thing but just staying the night after an evening party and then leave early the next morning is not worth all the hassle. I might have a different opinion about this after the party if we are all really tired; who knows lol.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
7 Aug 2012
Things are still going pretty good with our routine. Every morning I go wake Chris up and change him, change his bedding and get his breakfast. It dawned on me that it really is becoming like a mother taking care of her baby. Chris is so sweet and always feels bad that he has wet everything. I tell him no big deal, we will just get everything cleaned up. I have to really watch now that he doesn't get chaffed or his skin doesn't break out due to him being wet. Thank God for baby wipes and desitin. I am doing alot of house cleaning which is theraputic. I haven't felt well for several weeks now. I have a headache every day and stomach is somewhat upset. I can't get through the night without waking with my legs hurting so bad. I have sweats off and on and just basically don't feel well at all. I pray it is not the Lupus flaring up. I don't know but tomorrow when I take Mom to the doctor, I will see him as well and have him draw blood and see what's up. I can't afford to be sick. Who will take care of Mom and Chris? Jim has to work so he can't take off work to help. I'm praying that whatever is going on that the doctor can find out what it is and if need be, get on some medicine to help me get better. I'm really looking forward to out trip to WV the end of this month. Jim's Mom is going with us and I'm so happy that she is. We are going to have a great time. Chris is excited aand he loves Jims Mom, Mary, so that will be fun for him as well. I'm thankful that Chris is still able to travel. I don't know how long that will last but he loves to go places with us and we always have alot of fun. LOTS of pads will be taken. Hopefully, the bed won't get wet. Have to really plan ahead; extra pads of all kinds, extra clothes and whatever else Chris might need. He keeps asking me if he can take this or that and I tell him he can take whatever he wants as long as it fits in his bag or suitcase. He definitely wants to bring his little travel pillow with stars on it, his Elvis blanket and his stuffed cat that he keeps by his head on his pillow. Sounds good to me because I'm thinking that the more things like that he takes with him, the more relaxed and comfortable he will feel with his surroundings. I love my Chris!!!!!!!
Things are still going pretty good with our routine. Every morning I go wake Chris up and change him, change his bedding and get his breakfast. It dawned on me that it really is becoming like a mother taking care of her baby. Chris is so sweet and always feels bad that he has wet everything. I tell him no big deal, we will just get everything cleaned up. I have to really watch now that he doesn't get chaffed or his skin doesn't break out due to him being wet. Thank God for baby wipes and desitin. I am doing alot of house cleaning which is theraputic. I haven't felt well for several weeks now. I have a headache every day and stomach is somewhat upset. I can't get through the night without waking with my legs hurting so bad. I have sweats off and on and just basically don't feel well at all. I pray it is not the Lupus flaring up. I don't know but tomorrow when I take Mom to the doctor, I will see him as well and have him draw blood and see what's up. I can't afford to be sick. Who will take care of Mom and Chris? Jim has to work so he can't take off work to help. I'm praying that whatever is going on that the doctor can find out what it is and if need be, get on some medicine to help me get better. I'm really looking forward to out trip to WV the end of this month. Jim's Mom is going with us and I'm so happy that she is. We are going to have a great time. Chris is excited aand he loves Jims Mom, Mary, so that will be fun for him as well. I'm thankful that Chris is still able to travel. I don't know how long that will last but he loves to go places with us and we always have alot of fun. LOTS of pads will be taken. Hopefully, the bed won't get wet. Have to really plan ahead; extra pads of all kinds, extra clothes and whatever else Chris might need. He keeps asking me if he can take this or that and I tell him he can take whatever he wants as long as it fits in his bag or suitcase. He definitely wants to bring his little travel pillow with stars on it, his Elvis blanket and his stuffed cat that he keeps by his head on his pillow. Sounds good to me because I'm thinking that the more things like that he takes with him, the more relaxed and comfortable he will feel with his surroundings. I love my Chris!!!!!!!
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