30 Apr 2012
The last couple of days have been good. Jim is still home so we have enjoyed that. Chris has been doing good. Some head pains but not too bad and short lived. He hasn't had any confusion to speak of either. Happy Happy!!!! Yesterday, we went and got Mom and went to a greek restaurant for some authentic greek food which was delicious! We all ate like pigs and had a great day. They gave us so much food that we all had plenty of leftovers to take home. Yummy lamb and cucumber sauce. :) Mom was in pretty good spirits yesterday too which was nice. It didn't start out that way when I called her but she was happy when I told her to be ready to go and we'd be there in a 1/2 hr. I think she likes being at home by herself but she does get lonely so I guess I need to give her alittle bit more attention. It's difficult because I am doing about all I can do but I will try. Things are going good overall and I am grateful for that. I also know that things can change in an instant so I appreciate the good times when I get them. I think we are going to get out again today and take Chris somewhere. He does better if we take him out and he gets more mental stimulation than just sitting at home watching tv which is what he wants to do all the time. I have noticed something strange; he doesn't like the shows and movies that he use to just love. I dvr Dukes Of Hazzard for him and he doesn't care about watching them. For all you people that know Chris, you KNOW he has always loved the Dukes Of Hazzard.  He still loves Home Alone and watches it all the time but he doesn't care about alot of the old movies he loved so much like Shrek, Bedtime Stories, etc. It is weird how his likes and dislikes have changed. I suppose this has to do with alzheimers but who knows.

27 Apr 2012
A nice relaxing day. Did laundry, washed dishes, watched movies with Jim and Chris. Now Jim went on to bed, I tucked Chris into bed after he watched Andy Griffith and I am all alone watching tv, blogging and drinking a good glass of wine. This is my time; when I can reflect on the day and have my quiet time to myself. Chris did really well today; no head pains to speak of and he has been happy and cheerful all day. Tomorrow night we are going to the drive-in to see The Lorax. Chris will like that. He already has decided what snacks he wants to take with him. I think the 40mg Topamax might be starting to help with his head pains. :) Right now at this moment, everything is good, happy, peaceful and am looking forward to a great day tomorrow. Goodnight all!

25 Apr 2012
Another wednesday about over with, thank you Lord. Wednesdays are so stressful. Chris did pretty good today but when we got to the restaurant, he had trouble walking and hurt to the point of crying. Thankfully, it got better and he was able to walk in and eat. His head hurt some while we were eating but he was able to finish his food. I hope the Topamax works for him. He only had one head pain today so that's improvement. Mom was walking good until Chris started hurting and then she started walking slow and acting like she was in pain. Jim was with us and he even noticed how she acted; she just couldn't stand Chris getting attention more than her. I must continue to remember that she's old and this is so typical of how she has always been. I've got to make the appointment with the lawyer to get guardianship of Chris because he will never be with her again and she doesn't even want to go to his doctor appointments with us. Ofcourse, it has now reached the point where I need to do everything for her regarding her doctor appointments, medication, and care so it's just as well. I take care of all of Chris' needs and have for a long time but she will not let go of guardianship of him. It will change though because it has to. As I have said before, weird family dynamics for us and it always has been. Oh well, for now I have limited guardianship and I will do whatever I have to do for my brother no matter whether she likes it or not. It's not about my Mom; it's about Chris and what's best for him. He comes before my Mom and that's just how it is. If she doesn't like that, then too bad. You see why I say wednesdays are stressful? They definitely put me in a bad frame of mind. Andy Griffith is coming on and Chris is eating ice cream. That's happiness right there. Goodnight!

23 Apr 2012
Sunday was an okay day. The food turned out good and we all ate alot. Mom said she was out of her insulin. I check all her medications and I don't know what she did with it but she didn't even have 10 units to take for the next morning and she takes 20 units every morning. So; off we all went to Wal Mart, 20 miles away to get her insulin. I made her get 2 vials. We got her groceries as well. Poor Chris didn't fair well and Jim stayed right by him while I took Mom around the store. She didn't even seem concerned about Chris having head pains and not feeling good. Anyway, got that done, got Mom and all her groceries home, and then Jim, Chris and I went home. Whew! Was glad for that day to be over. Today, Chris had an appt. with the neurologist and he has now put Chris on Topamax for seizures and headaches. I pray to God that this will help and ease Chris' severe head pains. I called Mom to tell her what the doctor said and she talked about all different kind of things and didn't ask about Chris. I'm not surprised but it still hurts. It is what it is. Chris is tucked into bed, and happy and safe with us. Jim got Chris a bowl of ice cream right before bed and boy did Chris love that. Chris is content with us and happy. I love Chris so much.

21 Apr 2012
Fairly good day. It was so cold today. A cold gray dreary day and we all just watched movies and laid around. Chris ate good and only had one "brain freeze" today and it only lasted for a minute or two. He did get alittle confused tonight and thought we had left him again. I guess because Jim and I were in the other room and had paused the tv. He can see the tv from his room so maybe it confused him to just see the directv box bouncing all over the screen. We also talked to Mom tonight and she wasn't in a good mood so that could have had something to do with Chris' confusion. Tomorrow we are going to Moms for dinner. Jim and I are fixing beans & ham, cornbread, sweet potatoes, and fruit salad. Should be a nice time. "Should" is the operative word here. I hope Mom is in a better mood tomorrow and feeling good because I think it makes a big difference with Chris. He is so sensitive and worries about everyone and I don't want him to worry. I want everything to be calm and good for Chris. He doesn't need drama or problems dumped up on him.

20 Apr 2012
Not a great day. Chris woke up with his head pains and they have been happening on and off all day. Talked to the neurologist and Chris has an appointment Mon at 2:30. I hope something can be done about it. Chris was really in pain today. Poor kid. We ran our errands and Chris, Jim and I ate at Subway. Chris couldn't even eat his food because the pain started up again. We didn't go to the bluegrass festival tonight but will try and go tomorrow if Chris feels up to it. Chris was feeling alittle better tonight and watched Home Alone. He has seen it a million times and loves it. Jim and I could hear him in his room laughing and laughing and talking right along with the movie. He knows everything about it and knows it word for word. It was so great to hear him laughing so much. I just tucked him in bed and he told me that he loved how I took care of him and his other sister spoils him rotten too. I told him there was only one sister, me. He kind of frowned and then said oh okay. I don't know if that is the right thing to do or not correcting him on that. I guess I've just got to follow my gut and for now I think I should try to be as honest as possible and keep him in reality. I'm sure it will reach a stage where I just agree with him and smile. I am praying that tomorrow will be a much better day and that Chris won't be in so much pain.

19 Apr 2012
I tucked Chris in bed; our usual routine. Andy Griffith goes off, I give him his medicine, tuck him in, kiss him and tell him "Don't ever forget how much you're loved". He looks at a picture of me and him, taken about 20 yrs ago, and tells me how much he loves that picture of him and his sister and then wants me to tell him who I am. I asked him "Who am I?" Chris said "Can you help me?" I finally had to tell him and he hugged me and said "I'm so glad to see you!" Great day ends in sadness. My comment to everyone would be to not take anything for granted in life. One second is fine, the next is not. Going to bed sad.

19 Apr 2012
Not too bad a day. Straightened up the house and Chris got to joke around with Jim all day. Chris didn't have any problems today and ate good. Tomorrow we are going to town to pay bills and shop and then tomorrow night we are going to the Holladay Bluegrass Festival. We are going to it Saturday also. Chris will love it. Lots of great music and food and fun. I hope he does real well tomorrow and saturday so he can enjoy this. He'll definitely get good use out of his walker. I guess its a good day when I don't have much to say. :)

18 Apr 2012
Another one of those "What a day!". Got up early and took Mom to Jackson to wound center. While Chris and I were sitting waiting on Mom, Jim calls and says his truck is done. We have known for alittle while now that it was getting time to overhaul the engine and we were hoping to be able to wait a few more weeks before taking it into Memphis but typical; it wouldn't wait so Jim met us in Jackson and we followed him to Memphis. It smoked all the way there but we made it. At least Mom got to see all the old mansions in Memphis. She loved them. So now, Jim is home for a week; no work, no pay. Oh well, that's the way it goes. Chris is so excited that Jim is going to be home with us every day. We are thinking about taking Chris fishing since we live right by the Tennessee River and have only fished once in 7 yrs. I guess we will get to enjoy some time spent doing those things that we never take time to do. Chris felt alot better today and other than being alittle sleepy this afternoon, he ate good and felt good. It has been a LONG day and we are all ready to go to bed.  

17 Apr 2012
Cool weather here today. Has only been in the 50s all day. Weird after having hot days in the 80s. Has been kind of a lazy day for Chris and I. Chris has watched tv all day and is watching Andy Griffith right now. We met Jim to eat supper since he had to go on to his delivery tonight and wasn't going to be coming home. Chris did really well today until awhile ago when he came out and said someone was yelling at him and it was making him cry. I told him I wasn't yelling and no one else was here. There is no one around us. We live out in the woods on 35 acres. I told him I didn't hear anyone yelling. He was upset. I wonder what goes on in his head. Did he really hear someone yelling in his head? I mean, he thinks that he heard that but did he or was it just imagination or what? Later, I heard alot of noise coming from his room; sounded like he was moving things around. I went into his room and looked around and couldn't see anything out of place. He did take his dog tag off however which he has been told he can not take off. It has all his information on it and states that he has alzheimers. That's the first time, as far as I know, that he has taken it off since we got it for him. I explained to him that he can't take it off ever. He just looked at me and said he didn't take it off. There was no use to say to him that he did take it off. I put it back on him and said don't ever take it off. It's always something every day. Even on good days, something weird still goes on. So is weird becoming the norm? We have to get up real early to take Mom to Jackson for her appointment. I'm sure I'll have plenty to write about tomorrow. Wednesdays are always an eventful day and not in a good way. 

16 Apr 2012
Today was a much better day. I still have some pain but it's much better than the last two days. I was actually able to get some sleep last night. Chris has had a great day. He has been very focused on everything and has been funny and clever and happy happy happy! Thank you God for such a great day. When I talked to Mom, she had her little weirdness that she always has but I was able to take it in stride and not stress over it. Woohoo! I just love it when Chris is happy and content. He brightens my days so much. I am truly blessed to have Chris as my brother. He is such a blessing in our lives. Every day he brings a whole new perspective to everything. Chris is watching Andy Griffith right now with our little cat, Orville. Chris said today that Orville sticks to him like glue. He told me that Orville keeps him warm at night. Orville does follow Chris around everywhere and does stay right with him. So sweet. Good night everyone! Sweet dreams!  

15 Apr 2012
I'm so glad this day is at an end. It has been stressful and I have felt like crap all day. I don't think I have a hernia but I think I have pulled a muscle and it is making my back hurt where I hurt it last July whitewater rafting. My God, I don't need this at all. How am I going to get everything done that I need to? At least I don't have to take Mom to the doctor until Wed so maybe it will be better then. Chris has had a happy day today. He ate good and was cheerful, laughing, and enjoyed watching movies all day. I think he was so happy because Jim was home all day today. He really misses Jim when he is gone. They like to pick on each other and tease each other. Chris went to bed smiling and happy. Sweet dreams Chris! Until tomorrow.....

15 Apr 2012
Well, I didn't get to blog last night because I went to bed early. That never happens but I did something really stupid. I was in Chris' room helping him with his tv and I was bent over kind of weird and I coughed and I felt a terrible pain down in my abdomen, lower left side. It hurt for a long time and I was so afraid I had a hernia. I don't know even now, it might be a hernia. It hurt most of the night and is hurting some now. I don't feel any bulge or protrusion so I'm hoping maybe its just a pulled muscle though thats not good either. I don't have time to get hurt or be sick. Its hard enough just dealing with my kidney and bladder disease. Oh well, enough of that. Chris is having his head pains today. I'm calling the neurologist again in the morning and get an appt for Chris. Its not right that he keeps having those head pains. Its almost crippling for him because he has to sit down or lie down until it passes. If the doctor says that he has to have the shunt put in, ugh! If it helps him then thats what we will do but I just hate the thought of Chris having to go through that. My sweet boy. He just doesn't deserve any of this and today is one of those days that I'm having difficulty dealing with this wicked disease. On the upside though, we are having a very good sunday dinner. Stuffed cheese tortilleni with italian sausage, spaghetti, homemade garlic herb bread, and fruit salad. :) I better get started on the bread. It takes forever to make but is worth it when you take it out and it smells so good and tastes so good. lus, it makes the house smell good and homey.

13 Apr 2012
Well, its certainly been a friday the 13th kind of day. Chris and I went to the post office to express mail Moms tax papers because she is the worst procrastinator ever lol. We then went to Wal Mart to get medicine and some neccessities. My Mom has a panic button "Lifeline" and they called me saying that she had pushed the button that she wears around her neck and they called her house and there was no answer. We finally got that taken care of; she was fine. Her nurse was there and they couldn't get the machine to stop squawking so they keppt pushing the button thinking it would stop. Hmmm; when the company called me they said they were calling 911 and have someone go to her home and I told them her nurse was there so it must be something going on with the machine. Anyway.......it was all drama with her and I told her that they got it to stop and not to worry about it but it was all she could talk about. It's not really that funny yet it is. As for Chris, he did pretty good today. Had a few head pains and was more tired than usual today but by late afternoon was feeling good. We met my husband for supper; he had to head on to KY tonight with work. Chris sure does love my husband. Everytime the phone rings, Chris always asks me if it was Jim. He also asks me a million times a day when Jim is going to be home. When I tell him that Jim is going to be out in the truck overnight, Chris does not like that at all. It's really a wonderful thing to see how Chris has bonded with Jim. Chris needed a male figure in his life so badly. We have been working in Chris' activity books and he is doing really good with them. He had forgotten so much that he had learned in school and some of it is coming back to him now. He also is reading his Bible every day and that is so good for him too. Tonight, when I tucked him in bed, he told me to look beside him and there was our little cat, Orville, sound asleep. Chris had tucked Orville in under the covers. It was so cute. Orville sticks to Chris like glue. Our big cat, Homer, then came into the room and got up on the bed beside Chris and Orville and settled in. Chris started laughing really hard and said "Oh no, not two cats!" I told Chris good luck with that lol! I just love to hear Chris laugh and to see him so happy and content. Makes everything worthwhile and brings me such joy. These are the moments :)

12 Apr 2012
Today was stressful and towards the evening I felt very overwhelmed but talked to my husband and feel better now. I was cleaning the family room; dusting, sweeping, and moving furniture around alittle, and I saw that Chris was looking out his room watching me. I smiled and waved at him and he didn't smile. He looked mad or upset. I asked him if he was alright and he asked me why did I turn all the electricity off. His tv was on and he was watching Scooby Doo so I went in and turned his light on and said see, the power is on hon. He was not convinced even though I had his lights on, the tv was on, and I turned on his ceiling fan. He also asked me why I was moving everything out of the house. I realised that his confusion had to do with me doing something as simple as moving the furniture around. It hit me that something so simple, so common could confuse him so much and the realization of this disease overwhelmed me so much it hurt. You go through days with not much happening and then bam! I felt helpless, stressed, sad, and worn out. Imagine what Chris must feel. Tonight, Chris was in a very good mood and even watched American Idol with Jim and I. He was happy, cheerful, and ate good. He even ate dessert. :) I'm now heading to bed for some much needed rest and it starts all over again in the morning. I'm thankful for another day no matter what it might bring. Appreciate the good moments, handle the bad, and always keep your chin up!

11 Apr 2012
Where to begin? Well, every wednesday I take my Mom to the wound center at the hospital to have her dressings changed due to diabetic ulcers. Ofcourse, I take Chris with us and two people on walkers can be difficult and almost comical. Today, Mom acted like a child and didn't even seem to be concerned regarding anything to do with Chris. Some days its just almost to weird and bizarre to even deal with. I think she gets jealous when I'm dealing with Chris and taking care of him. I know this blog is basically about Chris and his alzheimers but this is also part of our journey. I'm taking care of two children; my 87 yr old mother and my brother. Some days I am so beat and exhausted that I can't even think straight. I get home and I just sit and vegetate. Chris did really good today, thank God. He did have his more and more common "brain freeze" but the doctor said that at this point it could just be cluster headaches due to the chemical changes occurring with the alzheimers. My sweet sweet brother. He has such a positive attitude with everything in life. He brings me such joy. He also is so wise in so many ways. He understands that Mom has her weird ways and he has so much insight on how to handle everything. I wish I were that patient and wise. I think the Serenity Prayer could be my anthem. I have got to accept the fact that I can't change so many things and I have got to learn to deal with that. Okay, enough. I guess I've vented enough for now. Tomorrow is a brand new day with a brand new set of problems and a brand new set of joyful moments.

10 Apr 2012
I love this. I got it from my husbands cousin.

"Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. It is a power that breaks down the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness." Corrie ten Boom

I am learning to do this. It isn't always easy taking care of Chris and my Mom as well. What makes it hard with Chris is that my heart hurts so much seeing him have to go through all of this and having to deal with this wicked evil disease. Other than that, Chris is an angel. He is always so sweet and he appreciates everything and tells Jim and I all the time that he's thankful for us and ofcourse, we feel the same about him. He is always a joy to have around. He is entertaining and reminds me every day with his great attitude to keep my chin up and be thankful for everything that God has given me. My Mother, on the other hand, is the opposite. Sadly, she is not satisfied with anything and is very negative. The resentment builds in me because I truly am trying to do the very best that I can but it's not good enough for her. I need to remember that I am doing good and she wants for nothing. If she complains, I know it's not valid. I KNOW I'm doing the best thing for her. I KNOW I treat her well and take care of her needs. "Forgiveness is the key that unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hate. Forgiveness breaks down the chains of bitterness." I need to remember this every second of every day.

Chris is doing well today. He is very concerned about Jim not being home though. Jim is on the road and won't be back until wednesday evening. He said last night that he thought he saw Jim outside. This has happened before. I try to explain to him that Jim is in Kentucky and no way he could be here. I have read that some doctors say not to correct an alzheimers patient. I do see that in some instances maybe but not in this case. There are some times that I need to show him reality and tell him the truth. If I don't, he will worry more and more and get upset and the whole goal is for him not to get upset and confused. I try to keep everything as consistent as possible, to try to keep him calm, to try to reassure him.

9 Apr 2012
Easter turned out to be a great day. I made a great dinner of ham, sweet potatoes, baked beans, hashbrown casserole, deviled eggs, homemade bread, and a strawberry cake for dessert. We took everything to Moms house and me, Jim, Chris, and Mom had a wonderful time eating and visiting. I love it when everything works out right. Chris had one moment when his head was hurting really bad so he went to lay down but then he got back up pretty quickly and finished his meal. Jim, Chris and I played Wii bowling and Chris whipped us both. He loves his bowling. We hid eggs and Chris went looking for them and found every one. The easter bunny visited our house and brought a big basket of goodies for Chris including a funny alligator hat, playing cards, LOTS of candy, stuffed chick and bunny, 2 kites, and Jim and I got Chris a cross to wear. He was so happy. Also, in the mail saturday was his dogtag and bracelet I ordered him with all his pertinent info on it. Both say Alzheimers Patient and his contact info just incase, God forbid, he were to get lost or wandered off. I keep an eagle eye on him so hopefully that will never happen but it just takes a second. Today, Chris is still looking through his easter basket and watching Gunsmoke. I am so absolutely blessed that God chose me to be Chris' sister. I know of no greater gift than to be there for Chris and to take care of him. He is the sweetest kindest person and he brings joy to Jim and I every day.  

7 Apr 2012
Today was another pretty good day. I am so thankful for these good days. It brings so much joy to me to see Chris happy and laughing and having a good time with Jim and I. He has come out of his room twice with his Elvis glasses on and singing to me and Jim. Quite the entertainer! He is watching The 10 Commandments right now. I've got his easter basket all done and ready to be sat out in the morning. Yes, he does still believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. Chris only had one dizzy spell today and ate all his meals; every bite. We are all going to Moms tomorrow and he doesn't seem very excited about it like I thought he would be. He keeps asking me if we are going to be coming back home after we visit with Mom. I think he is afraid that Jim and I will leave him there. This is not to say he doesn't love Mom or love being with her but I think its stressful for him at Moms. She can't handle him now and I think he upsets her and she upsets him. She is very critical of his hair, his goatee, his hat backwards, his choice of clothes, etc... I have to keep in mind that is how my Mom has always been and now that she is 87 yrs old she's even more so this way. I'm just trying to take things in stride, do what I need to do for Mom and do what I need to do for Chris. Chris has more immediate needs right now and Mom does have a nurse that comes twice a week so thats good. Chris just came in and asked me to tuck him in. Our cat Orville is on his bed and Chris says that Orville is being ornery. Orville is his buddy and Orville loves to curl up by him and snooze. Hope everyone that reads this has a beautiful blessed Easter tomorrow and Passover.  

6 Apr 2012
Another good day. Yea!!!!! We went this morning to get my hair done and get Chris' hair cut. He kept falling asleep. Those girls are so good to him. He loves going there to get pampered. Got home and fixed a pizza for Chris. He had a good appetite today and watched TV and read his bible. Was really tired today and went to sleep before Andy Griffith was over. I'm filling eggs right now for an easter egg hunt for Chris on sunday at Moms. He will really enjoy that. He's excited about easter and going to mass. He hasn't been able to go to church for quite a while so its going to be a wonderful easter. Didn't hear back from the neurologist today so I will call again monday morning to see what they think about Chris' head pains. It only hit him once today and he said it went away quickly. Thank you God.

5 Apr 2012
Well, these last 2 days have been good days. Yesterday, Chris, Me and our Mom went to Shiloh National Battlefield to tour it. Apr 6th and 7th is the 150 anniversary of the battle at Shiloh. We really enjoyed taking our Mother. Chris and I had been there several years back. Chris remembered going there before and really interacted with us on everything that was going on. We also saw deer, a coyote leisurely walking through the battlefield with the people all around and a beautiful huge bald eagle sitting on its nest. Chris enjoyed himself so much. We did too! Chris has been complaining alot about his head pains. Not headaches but pains that come and go. He says it feels like brain freezes but he hasn't eaten or drank anything cold. I'm going to call the neurologist in the morning and talk to him about these pains. When Chris had his ct-scan, the doctor said he had some fluid on the brain, fluid in his ventricles in the brain. He said if it gets worse or gives Chris problems, he might have to put a shunt in. I would hate for Chris to have to go through that. We are back home this evening and Chris is in good spirits and had a healthy appetite and said he feels much better. He is watching Andy Griffith with one of the cats, Orville, who is real buddies with Chris and I will tuck him into bed when Andy goes off. So so glad we are home and Chris is feeling good.

3 Apr 2012
Yesterday, Chris and I went shopping for groceries for easter dinner and he used his walker for the first time. We walked the whole entire store and he didn't hurt at all. He loves his walker. It has a seat on it so when I would stop to look at something, he just sat right next to me. He was so happy. The walker has actually given him the freedom to move around better and I don't know why I didn't get him one sooner. He had a great day yesterday; no confusion or any problems. He is excited for easter and going to mass with me. My husband, Chris and i will then go to my Moms for easter dinner. Ham, sweet potatoes, deviled eggs, baked beans and hash brown casserole-Yum Yum! Chris does get headaches fairly often now; he calls them brain freezes but he hasn't had anything cold to eat and drink. Will need to check with neurologist if this continues. Today, Chris and I are going to work in his activity books to help with memory and life skills. After that, we will probably play bingo or put a puzzle together.

1 Apr 2012
Happy Fools Day!! :) Today was kind of a continuation of yesterday. Chris didn't really feel good today. He had a headache and felt dizzy. He took forever to eat breakfast and lunch was the same way; just picked at his food. He did finally eat all his lunch; meatloaf, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet potatoes, macaroni and cheese and 3 bean salad. He did not eat supper though so I gave him an Ensure to drink and he loves it. He thinks it's special chocolate milk which it actually is. I'm still ranking this as a good day. He watched "Jesus" on GMC tonight and loved it so. He has been waiting for it to come on all week. Now he is looking forward to watching "The Greatest Story Ever Told" this week. He is such a faithful person and gets great comfort from his faith. Goodnight all!